“Took quite a fall, didn’t we, Master Bruce?”
“And why do we fall, Bruce?”
“So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
The last few months have been some of the most demanding on me physically and mentally.
It seems that it’s one stress, after another, after another.
I have wanted to quit.
I have wanted to say “I can’t do this anymore”.
I could do that.
That would be the easy thing to do.
It’s not something I talk about ever, but I have battled a lot with depression growing up. I was never diagnosed, I was never medicated (by choice) but I have spent many many many days in bed, in the dark, unable to get up, unable to take on the day, unable to take on the stress and struggles that life throws at me.
All of this and more has come at me in the last two months.
I fight my version of depression by staying positive. I do it by surrounding myself with positive, awesome, caring people. I treat my body right, with good food, exercise and strength training. I keep my mind focused, clear of negative people and negative energy. I create walls, and I don’t let the wrong energy or the wrong people in. It all helps to keep the demons away.
But sometimes….sometimes they still get through.
I have spent the last 48 hours in a depressed funk. Between my bed and my couch, I am disconnected from everyone and everything. I was tired of trying, tired of doing my best over and over and over only to feel that there was another roadblock, another mountain to climb.
I couldn’t get out of bed. I was paralyzed.
I hated to feel this way.
However, I have come to realize that the worst enemy I had was myself. I can control my reaction to ANYTHING. I had to do something.
I had to GIVE.
Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere.
My stresses and troubles…these are things I will look back on and tell stories about. I believe that I will look back at these times and laugh.
In the moment it feels like the world is coming down around you, but it isn’t.
I remember the words of Bill Phillips in Denver at Transformation Camp when Bill said, “I am grateful for struggle.”
Maybe I needed to meet people like Bill, people like Martin Rooney, Jason Ferrugia. Maybe I needed people like Dax Moy, James Smith, Bedros, Sam, Big Chris, Craig Ballantyne, all of my coaches and my Sensei’s, in order to overcome, to be strong, and to FIGHT.
Every day I try to remind myself just how amazing life is, and how grateful I am for the opportunity to do what I do and to help the people I help, and to learn from the amazing people that I do.
Right now I am GRATEFUL for struggle.
I am grateful for the amazing people I have in my life, I am grateful for the amazing TEAM I have at Heavyweights, and I am grateful to have supporters who share my passion and vision. I am grateful that the clients we train at HWTC desire to live happier, healthier, STRONGER Lives.
Why do we fall?
We fall so we can pick ourselves back up.
Never stop being afraid to fail.
Never stop being afraid to FALL.
As I say to my students, fall 1000 times, get back up 10001.
The best is yet to come.
Thanks to everyone that has texted me, e-mailed me, posted on my facebook, or just sent me positive energy.
I am VERY GRATEFUL to have such amazing people in my life.